Matladbep is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, dishonourable rat.

Matladbep created silver eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Matladbep, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Matladbep, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Matladbep's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Matladbep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Do not speak about grapes.

4. Never go into yellow rooms.

5. Never run in holy places.