Tan is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unsympathetic porpoise.

Tan created life three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tan, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tan, he will curse you with boils.

Tan's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick sharks.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never hop in the presence of rats.

4. Always look after injured porpoises.

5. Run away if seven aardvarks approach from the west.