Dussflatvin is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, moody turtle.

Dussflatvin created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Dussflatvin, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Dussflatvin, he will turn you into a dog.

Dussflatvin's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Dussflatvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Hide from red doves for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near grasshopers while wearing fawn stockings and balancing four nickel spheres on your face.

4. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.