Vonfomtarp is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, happy slug.

Vonfomtarp created vertebrates six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonfomtarp, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vonfomtarp, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Vonfomtarp's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Vonfomtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat voles with great respect.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

3. Erect eight iron sculptures of Vonfomtarp on top of important buildings.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never write about electromagnetism.