Riparfmif Lammegcud is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, duplicitous tortoise.

Riparfmif Lammegcud created a photon six million years ago.

If you believe in Riparfmif Lammegcud, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Riparfmif Lammegcud, it will cry a lot.

Riparfmif Lammegcud's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Riparfmif Lammegcud's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ultrasonics.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Never pray while filled with anger.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near monkeys while wearing orange shirts and balancing nine silicon spheres on your hands.

5. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Riparfmif Lammegcud in the centre of the settlement.