Quagdissrig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, clever crab.

Quagdissrig created humankind three million years ago.

If you believe in Quagdissrig, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quagdissrig, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Quagdissrig's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Quagdissrig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Quagdissrig on top of all buildings.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.