Tomyarptafwegriltonkjin is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, ruthless squid.

Tomyarptafwegriltonkjin created a charm quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomyarptafwegriltonkjin, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tomyarptafwegriltonkjin, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Tomyarptafwegriltonkjin's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Tomyarptafwegriltonkjin's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tomyarptafwegriltonkjin.

2. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Do not prepare wheat while filled with fear.

4. Never mark doors with green.

5. Never look at black holes.