Sakquatveen is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, fussy shark.

Sakquatveen created oxygen three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sakquatveen, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Sakquatveen, she will turn you into a worm.

Sakquatveen's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Sakquatveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

2. Always wear mauve.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not speak about parsnips.