Bassterrak is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, two-faced jellyfish.

Bassterrak created a top quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Bassterrak, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bassterrak, she will turn you into a duck.

Bassterrak's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Bassterrak's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Never talk about nebulae.

3. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

4. Bassterrak loves whales, so they must be respected.

5. Always take life seriously.