Hakpanstik is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, benevolent penguin.

Hakpanstik created the planet Venus six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakpanstik, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hakpanstik, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Hakpanstik's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Hakpanstik's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not prepare grapes while filled with envy.

3. Do not keep four turtles in a large pit.

4. Never think ill of sick sharks.

5. Do not gather at bridges at midnight.