Hapxem is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, competent cat.

Hapxem created the Sun eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapxem, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hapxem, it will curse you with boils.

Hapxem's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Hapxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ducks.

3. Do not speak about limes.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Hapxem must be the most important thing in your life.