Narkomhub is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, compassionate faun.

Narkomhub created dark energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Narkomhub, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Narkomhub, he will turn you into a dog.

Narkomhub's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Narkomhub's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt shrews.

2. Do not speak about oranges.

3. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Narkomhub in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.

5. Do not commit murder.