Bassveentetti is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unfair gorilla.

Bassveentetti created the Tadpole Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bassveentetti, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bassveentetti, she will turn you into a frog.

Bassveentetti's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Bassveentetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near doves while wearing indigo skirts and balancing seven gold spheres on your feet.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never hurt tortoises.

5. Do not listen to music.