Monpodteen is a god.

He takes the form of a small, ill-tempered wombat.

Monpodteen created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Monpodteen, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Monpodteen, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Monpodteen's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Monpodteen's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never feed bananas to swans while wearing gray jumpers.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.