Hap is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, thoughtless elephant.

Hap created a top quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hap, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hap, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Hap's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Hap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon brown earth.

2. Never speak of balance in the presence of priests.

3. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Heed all visions.

5. Never leap in autumn.