Tarfoddusstif is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, calm tortoise.

Tarfoddusstif created oxygen four million years ago.

If you believe in Tarfoddusstif, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tarfoddusstif, she will turn you into a dog.

Tarfoddusstif's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Tarfoddusstif's Holy Commandments

1. Tarfoddusstif must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Tarfoddusstif in the centre of the settlement.

3. Erect a large copper sculpture of Tarfoddusstif on top of all buildings.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tarfoddusstif.

5. Never eat bark.