Cem is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, duplicitous zebra.

Cem created energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cem, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Cem, he will turn you into a slug.

Cem's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Cem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Erect a large iron sculpture of Cem on top of all buildings.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never sing near porpoises.

5. Never write about asteroids.