Cidbapjop is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, boastful crab.

Cidbapjop created everything that exists four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cidbapjop, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Cidbapjop, he will turn you into a tree.

Cidbapjop's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Cidbapjop's Holy Commandments

1. Always remove scarves before touching silicon.

2. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

3. Do not hop in public.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. Never play with disobedient children.