Hadbutzan is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, vain bear.

Hadbutzan created humanity eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hadbutzan, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hadbutzan, it will turn you into a worm.

Hadbutzan's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Hadbutzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about archaea.

2. You must never eat cherries.

3. Never jump in the presence of capybaras.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Respect your elders.