Barnbellbem is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, fast dolphin.

Barnbellbem created the world two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Barnbellbem, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Barnbellbem, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Barnbellbem's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Barnbellbem's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always wear plain stockings during rituals.

3. Never eat limes.

4. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

5. Barnbellbem loves ducks, so they must be respected.