Gesslenfab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, cheerful dolphin.

Gesslenfab created the planet Earth five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesslenfab, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gesslenfab, she will turn you into a mouse.

Gesslenfab's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Gesslenfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about special relativity.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

5. Never mark doors with orange.