Jopspaghim is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, selfish goat.

Jopspaghim created an atom four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopspaghim, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jopspaghim, he will turn you into a duck.

Jopspaghim's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Jopspaghim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair magenta.

2. Always store coconuts above ground.

3. Always wear plain scarves during rituals.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never eat melons.