Hubkabbiss is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, stupid guinea pig.

Hubkabbiss created the universe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hubkabbiss, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hubkabbiss, he will turn you into a plant.

Hubkabbiss' most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Hubkabbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never talk about spacetime near birds while wearing fawn shorts and balancing seven nickel spheres on your face.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not take Hubkabbiss' name in vain.