Bonkfutyokpanmap Fidhugdab Yarplinhug is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless crab.

Bonkfutyokpanmap Fidhugdab Yarplinhug created the world four million years ago.

If you believe in Bonkfutyokpanmap Fidhugdab Yarplinhug, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bonkfutyokpanmap Fidhugdab Yarplinhug, it will turn you into a slug.

Bonkfutyokpanmap Fidhugdab Yarplinhug's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Bonkfutyokpanmap Fidhugdab Yarplinhug's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Do not consume bananas at dawn.

3. Never paint your back fawn.

4. Do not gather at wells at midnight.

5. Never stain your chest with black.