Sisfudratyak is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, ruthless narwhal.

Sisfudratyak created snails six billion years ago.

If you believe in Sisfudratyak, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Sisfudratyak, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Sisfudratyak's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Sisfudratyak's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Retreat if three aardvarks approach from the north.

4. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

5. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Sisfudratyak in the centre of the settlement.