Ontyikpark is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, confident ant.

Ontyikpark created the Black Eye Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Ontyikpark, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ontyikpark, he will not invite you to parties.

Ontyikpark's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Ontyikpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

2. Never allow goats to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always wear fawn.

5. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.