Ganwontaf is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, overgenerous dog.

Ganwontaf created Mount Everest two years ago.

If you believe in Ganwontaf, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ganwontaf, he will not invite you to parties.

Ganwontaf's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Ganwontaf's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Ganwontaf.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Ganwontaf in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never think ill of sick great tits.