Rakgudtan is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, egotistical hydra.

Rakgudtan created life nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rakgudtan, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Rakgudtan, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Rakgudtan's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Rakgudtan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about pigs.

2. Erect nine silver sculptures of Rakgudtan on top of important buildings.

3. Never gather six capybaras near wells.

4. Always share bread with strangers, but never with voles.

5. Never cross mountains at dawn.