Quagzimdun is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unthinking jackal.

Quagzimdun created the Whirlpool Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagzimdun, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quagzimdun, he will torture you forever.

Quagzimdun's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Quagzimdun's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from mauve voles, for they are unholy.

2. Never write about planets.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not hurt whales.