Yoktaghap is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, narcissistic snake.

Yoktaghap created silver three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yoktaghap, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Yoktaghap, it will turn you into a hamster.

Yoktaghap's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Yoktaghap's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse your hands after touching lead.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Yoktaghap on top of all buildings.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never chant in summer.

5. Always look after injured dolphins.