Ontteenrak is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, almighty newt.

Ontteenrak created bats nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontteenrak, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ontteenrak, it will turn you into a goat.

Ontteenrak's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Ontteenrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.