Gonwikbaf is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, duplicitous eagle.

Gonwikbaf created a photon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonwikbaf, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gonwikbaf, she will turn you into a tree.

Gonwikbaf's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Gonwikbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always maintain obedience during holy days.

3. Never speak of fate in the presence of priests.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never remain standing at midnight.