Bafzanquart Hatstigdon is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, competent hydra.

Bafzanquart Hatstigdon created energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bafzanquart Hatstigdon, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bafzanquart Hatstigdon, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Bafzanquart Hatstigdon's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Bafzanquart Hatstigdon's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.