Metnurven is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, witty octopus.

Metnurven created viruses eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metnurven, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Metnurven, he will turn you into a plant.

Metnurven's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Metnurven's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear orange.

2. Feed all hungry nematodes.

3. Never approach forests carrying clay.

4. Do not take Metnurven's name in vain.

5. Always treat swans with great respect.