Yarphen is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, selfish horse.

Yarphen created Europe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarphen, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yarphen, she will cry a lot.

Yarphen's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Yarphen's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Yarphen.

2. Always look after injured aardvarks.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Gulls are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never jump near swans.