Hapcidhon is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, blissful fish.

Hapcidhon created energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapcidhon, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Hapcidhon, she will turn you into a mole.

Hapcidhon's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Hapcidhon's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.

5. Never play with disobedient children.