Wodquafgem is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, irritating bear.

Wodquafgem created the planet Saturn nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wodquafgem, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Wodquafgem, it will turn you into a duck.

Wodquafgem's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Wodquafgem's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never hurt swans.

3. Retreat if eight porpoises approach from the west.

4. Never chant near ants.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.