Nilkinbaf is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, pitiless monkey.

Nilkinbaf created dark energy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nilkinbaf, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nilkinbaf, it will try to impress you with trees.

Nilkinbaf's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Nilkinbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

2. Worship no other gods but Nilkinbaf.

3. Never feed lots of spinach to monkeys while wearing turquoise skirts.

4. Do not kill swans.

5. Never talk about electromagnetism near shrews while wearing red shorts and balancing eight zinc spheres on your arms.