Bagvanyog is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, overgenerous mole.

Bagvanyog created carbon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bagvanyog, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bagvanyog, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Bagvanyog's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bagvanyog's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Shun those given to vanity.

3. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never curse while facing south.

5. Do not name children after shrews.