Lapmabsaf Legcatraw is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, charitable clam.

Lapmabsaf Legcatraw created time and space eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapmabsaf Legcatraw, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lapmabsaf Legcatraw, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Lapmabsaf Legcatraw's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Lapmabsaf Legcatraw's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain prostrate at dusk.

2. Never feed lentils to frogs while wearing shirts.

3. Do not bounce at forests.

4. Never run near eagles.

5. Never talk about fire.