Flamjarnflig is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonourable narwhal.

Flamjarnflig created silver six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flamjarnflig, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flamjarnflig, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Flamjarnflig's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Flamjarnflig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to shrews while wearing gray boots.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

4. Retreat if four mice approach from the south.

5. Erect a giant magenta sculpture of Flamjarnflig in the centre of the settlement.