Hatpagpodcussnurgunfub Catvolcip is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, almighty cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Hatpagpodcussnurgunfub Catvolcip created the Milkyway two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatpagpodcussnurgunfub Catvolcip, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Hatpagpodcussnurgunfub Catvolcip, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Hatpagpodcussnurgunfub Catvolcip's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Hatpagpodcussnurgunfub Catvolcip's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never speak aloud of signs.

5. Do not prepare peas while filled with pride.