Zimzanstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, proud duck.

Zimzanstaf created the Large Magellanic Cloud six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimzanstaf, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Zimzanstaf, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Zimzanstaf's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Zimzanstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not wear copper on your body.

3. Hide from purple tortoises for they are unholy.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.