Dumcetbell is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, fussy penguin.

Dumcetbell created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumcetbell, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Dumcetbell, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Dumcetbell's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Dumcetbell's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility when addressing children.

2. Always remove skirts before entering holy places.

3. Never prepare cherries during autumn.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not take Dumcetbell's name in vain.