Bessnilcumhiv Volmilfub is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, fussy giraffe.

Bessnilcumhiv Volmilfub created the cosmos two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessnilcumhiv Volmilfub, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bessnilcumhiv Volmilfub, he will turn you into a duck.

Bessnilcumhiv Volmilfub's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Bessnilcumhiv Volmilfub's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention sheep.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

4. Never feed turnips to swans while wearing ear rings.

5. Do not jump in public.