Bonkcumvog is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, annoying cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bonkcumvog created the planet Jupiter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkcumvog, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bonkcumvog, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Bonkcumvog's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Bonkcumvog's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat pineapples on holy days.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

4. Never stain your face with mauve.

5. Never allow foxes to witness sacred rites.