Fetnurlkim is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, awe-inspiring naga.

Fetnurlkim created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetnurlkim, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fetnurlkim, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Fetnurlkim's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Fetnurlkim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Always make sure there are no frogs in a building before entering it.

4. Do not hurt snails.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.