Rancid is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, strong snake.

Rancid created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rancid, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Rancid, it will torture you forever.

Rancid's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Rancid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never eat parsnips.

5. Remain standing during prayer.