Yoklisthug is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, generous tortoise.

Yoklisthug created oxygen seven million years ago.

If you believe in Yoklisthug, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yoklisthug, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Yoklisthug's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Yoklisthug's Holy Commandments

1. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Hide from fawn sharks for they are unholy.

3. You must pray to Yoklisthug three times a day.

4. Never feed lots of onions to tapirs while wearing turquoise kilts.

5. Do not cook food in pots.