Satzenpak is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, humorless beaver.

Satzenpak created the Milkyway three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Satzenpak, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Satzenpak, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Satzenpak's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Satzenpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed onions to hamsters while wearing orange ear rings.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Do not chop down trees.